.

I've learnt a lot of things from you. I appreciate what you had done and all the love you put on me.

I wonder if there's nothing to learn from me and nothing to appreciate anymore?

But above all, this world we have created - that you have created for me - have shielded me from so much. In no other way and with no one else can I be so comfortable with. There is not one moment where I have to pretend or be afraid of being judged. I can be myself, no matter the silly, noisy random nonsense-spouting kid or the trying-to-win-queen-of-tears award screaming-over-the-phone bitch, and don't have to worry about anything at all - because I know that you love me, and will still love me no matter what I do or what I say.

Not anymore.

I'm a girl of words. I really, really like words. They mean a lot to me. And sometimes they're all I really want from you.

I bet you forgot these words - and I bet you never took it to heart.

Did you enjoy being single?

I definitely want orange lights in my own future home.

Orange lights behind me, a glass of sparkling wine in hand, the laptop in front and Simon & Garfunkel's Sound of Silence playing. If only life is this charming every day.

I figure I have to stop moping about my education at some point - no use crying over spilled milk, or so they say. My first step is history.

I remember how during one of our round table sessions in Mr G's class, I asked him if he knew about the "10th of November 1938 during the Holocaust" and he immediately answered "Yes, the Kristallnacht" and Dashel quipped, "Night of The Broken Glasses". I was so in awe.

I also remember there was a conversation we had with Mr Mac - I don't remember how it happened, but Mr Mac started telling us about our own country's history. He was more familiar with our local history than we are, all because he's a - in his own words - "history junkie".

I love history. I love learning about the times of the past and I love learning about the poignant moments that have occurred in all the different countries to people of all races. So now, instead of just whining about how I wish to have a History degree instead of what I'm doing now, I'll make use of the Internet and libraries. Maybe I'll get to be a historian in my next life :D

I don't even believe in a next life. Whatever.

I also want to employ a skill we've learned from Ms Christie - learning to make connections. All these while I've been so engrossed in the Chinese and Western histories that I've neglected my own country's history - no thanks to my secondary school experience with Sejarah, but anyway. I want to know what's going on in my own country while the Meiji Restoration was going on, while Puyi was losing his ancestors' hard work to the Western powers, while Churchill was making his inspiring Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat speech.

Yeah, now I wish I paid more attention while my Sejarah teacher was repeating off the pages of our textbook. Tsk.

How I'm going to juggle all these in my new semester I have no idea - I'm probably going to abandon the idea like how I gave up on my Anti-Anti Social 2009 U_U One thing for sure is that I want to work harder in my sem because I need to improve my results. Mission: Gain Weight is working quite well, my appetite has improved tremendously during the holidays - I'm constantly hungry and I'm eating much, much more. I don't know how much I weigh now - I never weigh myself wtf. It really should be Mission: Look Fatter -_-

Last year I couldn't wait to get back to college every time there's a break. Tomorrow is my last day of holiday. I'm going to pretend that I look forward to classes (the lecturers who know what I want tell me that I'm going to love the new sem's subjects - I hope so too).

These are pictures from 20th July - Chee Weng's birthday. We planned to have a nice dinner at Hajime, and unfortunately it was closed on that day - we were so disappointed :( I even dressed up nicely for the occasion wtf. So we just had a simple dinner (thinking to save the money for Hajime, you know, which never happened ;p) and then went over to Skybar for what was Xindi's supposed farewell.

Picture credits all goes to KC.






Birthday boy.


Angry much?


His signature pose.


If you squint very carefully you may be able to see Nat. She's just right over there.












Castillero del Diablo - brings back memories of January 2008 when my co-worker just couldn't shut up about it. Not pleasant. It is not nice to steal sales!!


It was emo day for Gin. We failed in dousing her with happy aura.


Family portrait: Uncle KC, Daddy TJ and my 2 Sisters. I don't know what is Chee Weng - if he is my brother it would be incest!


Daddy and his princesses wtf




Group picture!


A somewhat-smile from her, finally :)


I found out the trick to success ... in chai mui.


Our view.




















Over-hyper.


It was supposed to be obscene but it really just looks like his stomach wtf.






Anti-gravity?


Don't know what she's high on - night air?


I forgot whose fault was this. Tsk tsk.






From her cam

Oh, yesterday I told Chee Weng that I have  a mini surprise for him. A few hours later he told me that he had a mini surprise for me too, so I asked for hints. And he replied, "red, pink". What sort of a hint is that?! The first thing that came to my mind was underwear wtf. Or is it my favourite haw sweets???? :D Sigh I am so impatient with surprises. I broke his birthday surprise to him on the night before it was executed GRRR.

Back to my American Dreams marathon now :D Sukaaa.

There was one night where we were chilling out at Xindi's place, out in the cool night air and crickets' melodies, munching icing cookies and haw sweets, sipping milk through the incredibly fun SipAhhs, (add in shisha if you consider them fun), and Closer playing on her Mac.

I thought Closer was just a mediocre movie, I very much prefer Vicky Cristina Barcelona instead. The performance in Closer was so-so, which is a waste because the one thing that really struck me was the script - the script was just so good, and the only one who really delivered the lines and emotions well was Natalie Portman.

Dan: I fell in love with her, Alice.
Alice: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one.

Larry: She doesn't want to be happy.
Dan: Everybody wants to be happy.
Larry: Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.

Larry: [on a photography exhibit] What do you think?
Alice: It's a lie. It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully, and... all the glittering assholes who appreciate art say it's beautiful 'cause that's what they wanna see. But the people in the photos are sad, and alone... But the pictures make the world seem beautiful, so... the exhibition is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat lie.

Alice: Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words.

Larry: You don't know the first thing about love, because you don't understand compromise.

Anna : Love bores you.
Dan: No, it disappoints me.

I've never cared about your conniving and manipulative ways but when it starts to involve me... it makes me boil with anger and disappointment!

---

Another piece fell off my heart and I am panicking panicking panicking. I'm panicking! The brut is making my head spin and I can't breath. I'm panicking.

By the way when I was uncorking the brut there was a loud POP! that I totally wasn't expecting - I thought it was a gunshot. Thank goodness the bottle didn't slip off my hand.

---

Hello. Hennessy Artistry was okay - I forgot that I hang out with a bunch of photographers u_u I made a discovery though: Mr Sam! I don't usually tune in to these music but he was goooood.

Here are pictures from my mum's birthday, which is a day before Chee Weng's ;D We planned a surprise dinner for her but she showed up an hour early D:


I chose to bake a fudge topped brownie for mum because I haven't found a decent cake recipe yet. Do you have any to recommend?


He made mashed potatoes


Preparing salad


Steph & Paul made spaghetti and mac n cheese, and the kakaks made fried rice.


Aunty May made fried chicken.


Chillin out




Everybody




Unfortunately I forgot to add in the baking powder. Wtf? Mum said I just invented the brownie cookie, so it's okay. Decoration by me, Chee Weng and Wilson. DivaLai is the name we suggested for my mum when she wanted to make an e-mail/Facebook account.


This is my mum. She's on Facebook, go go go add her! ;P (notice the height of my baking powderless brownie) (it's okay because it still tasted very YUM YUM)


Guess what they're watching.



Okay, gonna go have porridge steamboat with sister Gemo, Daddy TJ and Uncle KC. Have a good a week! It's my last week before college starts :(

If these scars are to stay, I wonder if you will still love me? Wtf. Actually they worry me too but I can't help it wtf sendiri cari pasal.

Something is bugging me.

I got to spend Xindi & Shuyan's last hour home with them OHOHOHO. Wtf. Don't want them to leave T^T

I want to write descriptive posts, but these days I can't seem to write anything. I'm rather upset that the holiday is ending soon.

I am chatting with Nat in pinyin. Wtf.

Here are some pictures from Chee Weng's birthday party. Very selective pictures, because I'm too lazy to browse the pictures properly. 300+ pictures lor okay. I know it's supposed to be about his party but these are mostly just pictures of people I like to be around. I was a little off that night, sorry if I ignored some of you. I'm just not comfortable around strangers.


Sigh. Nothing will come between him and his shisha, not even me. So sad.


"Dad".


Xris burned his hand with the shisha head and these splattered on the floor, Chee Weng said it's his blood and Xindi asked if he has HIV.


My boyfriend who once upon a time couldn't tolerate a single sip of beer is now an alcoholic barrel.


There are three things that I love in this picture: My hair, Jean and Gin's chocolate chip cookies.


Arrival of other family wtf.


Most Entertaining Couple 2008 & 2009.






Daddy TJ, Boyfriend CW and Uncle KC.

What am I, CX? Not nice -_-


Xris and Ian, they both make me laugh ;D


Like I said, alcoholic barrel. Sometimes it irritates me but I cannot say anything because I drink my fair share too ._.


I cracked up when I saw this


Waiting for things, problems and time to pass.

Today I had the most fun in months - it wasn't like just fun in the afternoon, or fun in the night - it was morning til night nonstop catching our breath from laughing too much. At one point Chee Weng, Xindi and I just couldn't stop laughing at this office place that it looked like we just took drugs or summat. I had my first Klang bak kut teh and it didn't live up to all the hooha - it took us 45 minutes to find the place.

I am also very hungry now, and am craving for the flavoured milk straw thingy.

These pictures are from the night where I 'planned' to attend this Michael Jackson Tribute Night at Zouk and reached there about an hour after the event ended. Wtf? Music was crap that night.


Gin I miss your smile :)










Bloody skeletal hand looks like it belongs to someone else.




Weirdest wink ever.