I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Actually, there's only one side for me to wake up from.

I've snapped at several people today and I'm very sorry about it - I just needed some alone-time after spending half my day sitting at the same table with a group of strangers yesterday. When I say that I'm anti-social people think that I made that up. A lecturer once said, "you think you're anti-social, but you do have friends in class, right?" Well I wish that that was the case too.

It's not that I'm proud of this issue or anything, I'm telling because I'm sick of people asking me why am I so quiet, why do I look bored, why am I so weird... It's not that I'm stuck up or that I don't make the effort. I really do want to be that person you could easily talk to and would like to invite her out again after the first, but I'm not that person. I'm just me.

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I watched Rebel Without A Cause. I found it okay, but gosh James Dean was so hot. Hot! Natalie Wood was kind of annoying in the movie but that's just my opinion. When I saw the opening police station scene where James Dean screamed his now well-known "You're tearing me apart!" line, I realised I've actually watched the first ten minutes on Astro a few years ago... wtf? And I replayed the part where he imitated siren sounds at least ten times. Now I want a James Dean poster (the Cris Consani one doesn't count because he's so tiny in it). Who's going to UK?

Here's a quote from the movie I can agree to.

Plato: We don't really encourage children, they're such a bother.
Judy: Oh I quite agree, I just can't stand it when they cry. What do you do with them when they cry?
James: Hah, drown 'em like puppies, hah!

Strictly speaking, of course, drowning puppies is a very atrocious act and nobody should be doing that!

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Pictures of my family smiling for the camera on Father's Day. I'm sorry I don't have warm lovey things to caption the pictures with... Actually, no, not really, I'm not really sorry about it.




Superstar of the night... Everyone had an individual picture taken with him u_u


Marcus Steven Wilson Malcolm Benjamin








Marcus Benjamin Stephanie Malcolm Steven Wilson Samantha


Remember... Truth is a manipulation! Wtf.


Daughters

Possible spoilers if you're planning to watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

I finished Vicky Cristina Barcelona and sat there thinking for a very long time. I also found it ironic how everyone who wound up with Juan Antonio were so smitten by him, and yet end up screaming "this is not the life for me" - even if it had been perfect, even if it had been the Dream, even if they were bonded together by something unexplainable and so unique that it could never have been found in anyone else.

But above everything, I thought it was very brilliant that the ending of the movie was completely the same as it began; nobody's life was changed but everyone's lives was changed.

Push is just one of those movies that should have ended the moment it began (just like Inkheart).

Taken was great. The way the line "they're going to take you" was said is - well, it's still in my head. Love that scene.

Pink Panther 2 is just plain silly and although silly movies don't normally amuse me (except Airplane!, I have to tell you it had me in stitches), I have to say I found it pretty funny...

The Other Boleyn Girl has a nice story although they spin pretty off tangent from history (as usual with movies), but what outshine the actors (except Natalie Portman who was simply exceptional) was the beautiful costumes. THE COSTUMES! <3

200 Pounds Beauty... I avoid Korean movies like plague but oh dear do I love this movie :D

I'm running out of DVDs to watch.

I was having lunch with a self-professed monkey when a guy stopped by to say hi and left, and the monkey asked me if he was cute. I paused for a while trying to think of who she was referring to, but she replied, "Never mind, you never looked at guys after Chee Weng anyway."

It was then that I realised how long it really has been since I gushed over a cute/handsome guy with a friend - in a more cheesy romantic way I'd say that all the guys in the world really look bland as compared to my own boyfriend, but I think it's really how everyone just grows up to be uglier and my boyfriend ever more handsome. Haha just kidding. Did I give you goosebumps?

I mean of course, I do want to sleep with James Franco if he wants an underage looking Asian lolita but all my fangirlings were only far-away stars that I can never reach. I can't really care less about other people, but then I realised that since three years ago I can't really care less about a lot of things.

And that is why I am constantly aware that if things don't work out too well I not only lose a boyfriend, but basically half my life. In all that almost-three-years I have been so dependent on the thought that it's okay to lose or waste or offend or fail in anything or anyone because I have that one person who will love me and relent to me and give me anything that I want, and the constant paranoia sometimes drive me to do crazy, desperate things that I cannot even comprehend myself.

Honestly, I do not understand what you see in me.  I don't pay attention to details, I am spoiled and lazy and sloppy and ditzy, I drive you crazy by pulling the flesh of my fingers all the time, I get mood swings all the time, I expect too much, do too little...

And you are everything that I hate and everything that I want.

In public we are not mushy and definitely a PDA no-show that when we even get cuddly our pink blog friend asked "why are you two so manja today, normally you yell and hit each other wo". We have no cute coupley nicknames save for that one ubiquitous word that make the Wong and Chung and Mok confused when we gather, yet if anyone finds out what you call me in private I'm sure it'll evoke scrunched up expressions and "why you call your girlfriend that?!".

But I guess, despite my hurtful messages and constant (that word again) complaints, that's really the way that I want it to be, and stay. Do I really want someone who will give in to my demands every time I let the floodgates loose? Do I really want someone who is as needy and as clingy as I am? Do I really want someone who is so attentive and fragile that he won't give me the wake-up call that I need because he's too afraid of hurting me?

What I'm trying to say, I guess (again)... is that, I know I can go a little overboard with my words when I'm upset, but here is a post to remind me, and you as well, that what we have is good and I really appreciate it. :)

I'm having that unbelievably empty feeling of having wasted a day away. No I'm not blaming anyone, it's just funny how things turn out sometimes. 5 hours of supposed sleep and practise became a competition with my drowsiness and money wasted away. Plus I had an audition today and it was pretty much the crappiest performance I ever gave (and I was one hour late oh killjoy). I usually get a kind of high from performing, even if I screwed it up, but this one is just downright failure. Tsk.

And now my stomach have to clench and clench and clench like a fist grabbing me from the inside. My mum brought back my favouritest Uhuhu! durian cupcakes and I'm not even lusting for them (will regret tomorrow).

So I'm just home, feeling empty and achieved nothing. Not even ironing. Way to go.

Edit: Is ok. Imma at home watching movie with momma and is ok. *sucks thumb*

Finally... I feel like I could breath. I don't even feel lethargic anymore! I'm free! Maybe I can bake again now! White chocolate and sour cherry scones, lemon tarts with tall, tall meringues and mmmm the ubiquitous cupcakes :D Orange cupcakes, my favourite! I'm even watching Pink Panther 2 now, just because I'm free, you know, like I don't know what to do with my time, yo.

Ahhhh liberation.

Can write proper entries already. I shall post some pictures from my 'surprise' congratulatory party :D


Mmmm mum cooked some of the food <3 The egg salad was JENG!








Alvin came in and congratulated me "happy birthday"












My poodle's ribbons suit my mum very well.

I just realised in the last two entries i wrote that the light of my life is distinguishing D:

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Waa dahlah I'm having a bad day want to cry already. And then I spent one and a half hour typing a long ass entry pouring my heart into it and WALA. I PRESSED "CANCEL". And it switched to the main page.

My brain is in such sorrow that it refuses to recall what are the things I talked about.

Bad day + want to cry x 300.

Anyway something to look forward to is this little e-mail in my inbox... I never thought I'd be this nervous but hell I don't want shakey legs and forgotten lines! Like I did in Effective Comm ._.

Ginny Yap my trusty proofreader T_T I need j00 T_T

The Sam who used to have trouble keeping below the word limit is now having trouble meeting the word limit. I think my soul is dying and the light of life in me is distinguishing, there goes my bright future before me...

P/S: If Ms Christie saw the amount of bias and questionable citations I have in my reports she'd have failed me T^T

Although it's been just three hours since I last saw you, I miss you already. I want back my 4 days of CW marathon. :D

I want to go fishing too!

This week I've spent more hours at HELP than my own college. wth. But it's okay. I like it there. I don't understand why people always say HELP campus sucks. I like!

My own college campus on the other hand.. I fear my own college campus. It's extremely unfriendly for people who have height issues!

I should talk about something else besides college campuses. But I hear my assignments calling for me. :(

I like HELP's main block :O So convenient to online wth. And Chee Weng's class is just a few steps away hee.

Listening to Ray Charles' Georgia On My Mind. WHOAH GEORGIA LOOOVE. I'M CALLING MY GEORGIA.

Oh. When I see Stevie Wonder... I will forever be reminded of Peanut. HAHAHAHA. IT'S JUST TOO FUNNY.

Do you like random posts? Mm. I had dimsum without ha gao. I feel so incomplete.

Oh! I read Nat's blog and I laughed because the last picture was so funny. And then I read Gin's blog and I laughed too because MADNESS!! was funny.

I think it's a very romantic idea that a normally stoic, no-nonsense man who is extremely knowledgeable has a love of his life who may be the most important thing to him - ahahahawentworthmillerlecturercough.

Aaauidoeubugshs.